the last few days have been heavy. it's not that anything "big" happened, but my heart is just heavy with a lot right now. the last few days i have sort of just been in constant prayer throughout my day, and although that is good (and biblical!) i have also felt somewhat drained. as i have prayed for myself and for others, i have found myself reflecting back on some hard times and it's been a bit hard (and sometimes good too) to go back to those places. it's hard to remember times of hurt, to re-live hurt, but it is also so refreshing to see how God worked in those times and proved Himself good and faithful! i need to be reminded of God's goodness because my sinful heart quickly seems to think He has forgotten me when i am hurting.
i had a conversation one day last week that when i reflected back on it really showcased so much sin in my heart, specifically the sin of pride. my lack of humility is something that i am coming face to face with in a way i never really have before. the sermon at church yesterday was all about our strength coming out of our weakness. one point that the pastor made was that we have to "choose to walk in humility", and that one way to do this is to "stop and humble myself before God instead of trying to control situations"...ouch....yea, control is something i struggle with daily. never have i thought of humility as having to do with control, but it makes sense. if i am trying to control everything then i am elevating myself to a position that i do not belong in...there is nothing humble about that.
another point that was made in the sermon was that we must "believe that God's plan is always better". this is probably my biggest struggle in my walk with God...believing that He has a good plan for me. because this is a struggle for me i try to control my life, thinking i have things under control better than He does. this gets me into lots. of. trouble. the only way i have found to combat this is to think back on the good things God has done in my life. it amazes me how i can be so in awe of Him one day and the very next day in tears thinking He has forgotten me...forgive Father for this, i can only imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with me daily.
the final point of this sermon was that we need to proclaim our dependence on Him. one point that was made that i had really never thought about was that when Jesus was tempted in the desert He answered satan's attacks by quoting scripture. if Jesus used scripture to combat temptation then i should be too! i know i need God, but my lack of memorizing His Word is causing me to not depend on Him but instead on myself or friends in times of need. two scriptures from this weeks teaching are ones i will memorize this week.
romans 8:31 "...If God is for us, who is against us?"
1 john 1:9 "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
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